This time for real she’s gone.& I can’t stop tearing.As our song plays non-stop on my speakers,memories of us flashes.Be it the first moment I saw you,the sweet kisses we had & the time-stopping moments laying in bed.

I could see how she never fights for us again.I could see my feelings were unnecessary.My opinions were pushed aside to make ways for other people’s.She wouldn’t change her ways.even for me.As soon as I gave her a break, she went to msn straight.Perhaps all this while I haven’t been good enough.I haven’t been providing enough.I should be better.For her,I should have changed.I tried,I really tried, but I guess it just wasn’t enough.

You,my dear, are someone precious.You deserve better.& not everyday fights from me.You don’t deserve to be cursed at.You don’t deserve to be shout at even when I’m angry.Because after all,you are my life.

Saat bersamamu tetap akan ku impikan,

Memori kita berdua ku selamanya akan hargai,

Dosa-dosaku harap kau dapat ampunkan,

Kerna hanya kau sajalah insan yang akan ku cintai.

It has been awhile since i updated so here I am once again updating.Nothing much has change.except the fact that unwanted things have been happening to cost the lost of trust.She said she love me.no matter what.I know I’m not the best bf you could ask for.I have the worst temper.But i do have feelings.You may not realise is but things have change.The fact that you contacted other guys,i have to accept.I have to live with it since I’m sticking with you.I’m just dissapointed.Not because of the things you do.But because of the things you no longer do.Not blaming you but maybe cause I have not been taking good care of you.

You no longer do things I want you to just cause you love me.You make jokes when I’m seriously trying to share things with you.You wanna say I take things too seriously?I tried sharing cause I want to but if its a joke then fine.We fight and fight but do we feel the same feelings?We may not understand each other but I surely notice things.You no longer fight for the sake of us.When I’m mad and putting down the phone,you’ll be mad at me just cause I don’t understand.Then if we fight,we have problems,you would run to your guy friends.talking,complaining things.You know i hate that.Just so you wouldnt do that & make things worst,i said sorry.I apologize for the fact that i don’t want things to get worst and you contact other guys.haish.

I’m just unsure if you love me.I can’t hold on to that statement.I’m not trying to go against it but facts are facts.You could watch movies enjoying with your bestie while I’m vomiting sick at home?You could ask me “Do I hurt you that much?” when I was speechless catching my breath with a heartache and tears strolling down my cheeks.Loving someone is not about who is doing the right or wrong things.Or give in or have an ego.Its not about not understanding each other.Its so much complicated.Its the heck care attitude of whether we understand each other or not.Its the fact knowing we always fight and never understanding,doing the wrong things to get each other angry but ALWAYS loving each other no matter what.& loving them for every second no matter what.haish.I just don’t feel the love from you anymore.Like you said,I’m the one always getting mad,scolding,not giving in,not understanding & always finding fault being to sensitive.I’m that bad huh.haish.I just which everything is crystal clear.

Sorry for leaving.Sorry for the sudden move.But I’m not for you.I’m not being the best for you.I wanna be.I will be.One day,when I’m good enough I will come back.When I first met you,I made a promise to myself.I said this time,I won’t allow myself to hurt you.You deserve the best.I’m not being the best for you.I still remember the first few moments with you when I would understand you even if you make a mistake.I would say sorry for all the wrong things you’ve done and would doubtlessly take the blame for it.Cause I love you.But now,I’m being hopeless.I’m just a typical guy who hurts the one he loves.You may withstand the pain I’m giving but not me.I can’t stand knowing that I’ve hurt you.I will never leave you.You know that.I love you,thus this is what I must do.Whatever it is,you must always remember that I love you.I love you more than the word Love could express.When you read this,think of all the moments we had.Those great moments.The time we would just lay in bed singing our hearts out and saying I Love You.I wanna be the best guy for you.I wanna be the guy who is so loving towards you.The guy whom you know you could count on.I want to be me again.The same me you met for the very first time.I want to be better for you.Be it weeks,months or years it may takes.I would one day come back.Cause I love you.& nobody could ever replace this special place in my heart you have carved.Right now all I’m asking,just wait for me.

Here I am checking my phone every 5minutes.

I’m just blardy worried if anything happens to you.haish.

Oh & just to get back to you,I’m gonna sulk on this for days.HMPH!

Can’t you see I feel neglected?

Friends are friends.I never in a million years would mind.But I feel neglected.Its been some time since we had our own private moments.You can’t find time to spend with just me but you can go out to the movie with a guy.I know he’s your friend.But jealousy would surely occur.If a girl from my workplace ask me out to movies.Just us two,I’m very sure you won’t like it one bit.You know I don’t like it yet you still go.Which blardy guy would not be jealous if his girl went out to the movies with another guy.You still have the cheeks to say “You mcm showing that you tk suke aje.You sure you okay with it?”.gawd.I wanna watch percy jackson badly.you know that.i was saving to watch with you.

I rejected a friend’s offer to watch together.I said “Sorry I planning to watch it with my girl.She loves that movie so much.”Well look what hapen now.I’m not mad nor angry.Just dissapointed.I just don’t want to tell you about how I feel cause i aint wanna make you feel as if I’m one controlling bastard.Jealousy is inevitable.Face it.

& for the record,I’m still hanging on to your words to come over and just slack watching movies and eating.& yeah it hurts so much that I cooked for you yesterday.bekalkan lagi.not a thanks.not a look.not a taste.well i guess my cooking is no different than trash.

It’s always the small things that makes the big difference.Ikah please open your eyes & see that I have feelings that needs to be taken care of too.Whatever happens,just so you know that I love you.

Riri<3

I’m turning 19 & I do have to behave the way Im supposed to.
I may laugh like a clown.Cry like a child.But I must think like an adult.

I’m no longer who I used to be.I’m different.Things have changed & its wonderful this way.I’ll show you how much you mean to me.

So wats new,errrr.Got attached.loving her.loving her friends and family.Everything is turning out well so far.hahs.we’ll see how it goes.

Quitting smoking.I have to.It’s just a state of mind.Its not a need.Its an urge.

I’m having my last box today & thats that.I’ve made my decision.& I need to appeal soon at republic poly.Lastly,I miss my friends & my besties.Reeree dear,perhaps you no longer need me.Dayah & Asrina,we’ll meet up soon okay kamu kamu sekelian.hahas.

P.S:I am so happy.& I just want the world to know that.

I <3 You

Let truth betold. http://formspring.me/RiriSihhh

Getting my pay soon & I’m planning too damn soon to spent hundreds of dollars already.fuck care i tell you.I’m spending so for the next few months i don’t need to spent anymore.So here is the list the remind myself once again.

-Rebonding at JeanYip

-SemiAcoustic Guitar

-Punching Bag